How It Happened

Originally posted on Facebook 2/15/09


Thanks to everyone for the kind words, Saturday Feb 14th was a crazy day, one that we will never forget.

Here's how it happened...

For the past couple months I have tried to perfect the "surprise" that would make this moment unforgettable.

I consulted with a couple people at work about how to get it exactly right, and I had to play dumb during conversations with Pam about engagement rings. After getting her ring size from her best friend, which I am told was "too easy," I picked out the ring and ordered it.

So here was the plan.

Pam would think we would not be together on Valentine's Day. She thought I would be in Atlanta and she would be all alone. I told her that I was going over to Rick's house with some people from work and we were going out on the lake, where there would be no phone service. But I would call her around noon when we'd be back at his house.

I also told her that my Valentine's gift would be delivered to her house on Saturday between 11:30am and noon. She assumed I set something up with a florist to have flowers delivered to her house and was making sure she'd be home when they arrived.

Saturday morning I woke up and went to the airport. I got on the plane and started the journey to her house.

I got off the plane and my mom was there to pick me up from the airport. (No, she had no idea either, only a select few people knew this was going to happen)

I had my mom drop me off around the corner, since Pam can see anyone who drives into her parking lot I had to come in a back way.

So I walk down the path to Pam's front door.

I put my bags off to the side, pulled the ring from my pocket, got down on one knee and knocked on the door.

After what felt like an hour, the door opened... Before she can even say anything I ask "Pam, will you marry me?"

She stood there, stunned, trying to figure out what in the world was going on. Trying to comprehend that not only was I at her door when I was supposed to be in Atlanta, but I had this shiny ring for her.

At this point I'm shaking, combo of nerves and it was cold outside.

She said something to the affect of, "can you say that again?" And then she said "come inside" and as I am getting up I hear "yes, yes, of course."

I take the ring from the box and go to put it on her hand, but Pam takes the ring from me and proceeds to put the ring on her right hand. I said "baby, it goes on the other hand." She laughed and then switched hands to the correct one.

After all of the planning, thinking, agonizing and hard work... it paid off, and I think she's still in shock!

So that's how we got engaged!

Never Forget

A day none of us will ever forget, a morning none of us will never forget, heroes none of us will never forget.

I remember that day like it was yesterday.  I don't want to sit here and tell my story, frankly my story doesn't mean anything compared to those that we lost on 9/11 and those that we've lost every day since fighting for our country.

On this day we listen to all the names at Ground Zero, at the Pentagon and in Shanksville. 
On this day we thank the men and women in uniform.
On this day we are reminded of how amazing our country is.
On this day we are reminded of all those people who want to ruin our freedom and want to take away everything we've worked for.

On this day we remember....

“This is a day when all Americans from every walk of life unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day, yet we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world.” ~ George W. Bush, September 11, 2001. NEVER FORGET!

My Strange Side

Those that know me best know that I am very OCD.  The inside of my car is always clean, my desk is always neat, my home is always kept well, I am very organized and rarely do I lose or misplace anything.  Those that have been in my house or have lived with me before can atest that I am OCD.

But there is a side of me that people may know but not know the extent of... that is how much of a routine person I am.   It's horrible, I admit it, but I don't know how to change it. 

Every day to me is a routine, and I do everything in my power not to break it.  Don't get me wrong, there are aspects of my every day life that don't, but the aspects of it that do are pretty ridiculous.

I figured what better way to explain to myself how bad it is than to tell the world how bad it is.

Let's make a list...

-In the shower it's always in this order; shampoo, wash face, wash body, shave, condition.
-always socks first then shoes... right left right left
-first computer logon of the day is personal email, work email then balancing my checkbook
-on work days I only check email and bank acct at home, don't go to any other websites
-never eat lunch before the stroke of 12pm... i will sit and watch the clock waiting for noon
-non work days, if i am at home, i have my one soda of the day at the same time
-my before bed routine is always; wash face, floss, brush teeth, mouth wash, face lotion
-always grocery shop starting in produce and work my way to the other side of the store
-daily gym workout is a whole routine in itself... if all the treadmills are taken we're gonna have a problem

at work
-always eat fruit, usually apple, 2hrs in to work shift
-on my night shifts, 3p-11p, dinner break is always at 7pm
-an hour and a half before it's time to leave i have a soda and a snack
-i have two way of walking to the bathroom from my desk, no matter which way I go there I have to come back the same way
-if i buy dinner at work i always get a frozen yogurt for desert, if i bring i don't eat desert

So these are the things I came up with just now, and I'm sure I could add to this list if I sat here longer and continued to think about it.

The bigger problem is, some of these are to the point where I feel like my day is screwed or I've failed myself if I break the routine. 

The first step is admitting that I have a problem... here is me admitting that I am a person of routine.  My routine will be changing drastically in June when I move to early morning work shifts.  I will have to figure out a new work routine as far as when to eat, when to take my break and so forth.  ugh

Ok now feel free to make fun of me :-)

Worst Day of My Life

RIP
Norbert Bender
3/24/1926-3/31/2006


Friday March 31, 2006, 3pm, I had just sat down in my chair on the Assignment Desk at FOX5.  I remember not going in to our afternoon meeting, something I always did, this day I logged in to my computer and began to work.  About 10 minutes in to my shift I picked up the phone like I always did "Fox5 it's Gary" all I heard on the other end was my mom, "we lost him, he's gone, we lost him grandpa's gone."  That may have been the worst moment of my entire life.  I am pretty sure I hung up the phone and completely lost it, infront of the entire newsroom, at this point I knew I just had to get out of there.  Two people (Tom Fitzgerald and Leif Coorlim) who I still owe a huge favor to drove me to meet up with my family.  I still remember the rest of that day, I could probably give you a minute by minute replay, but I won't... worst day of my life.

For a few years I lived around the corner from my grandparents, I would drive by their neighborhood every day on my way to work.  After he passed away I got a sick feeling in my stomach every time I drove past, and it got to the point where I wanted to move, I didn't want to have that feeling every day.  I'm not sure I've told anyone this, but this was the first reason why I wanted to move out of my condo in Silver Spring.  I'm not sure what it says about me, but it is what it is.

I also have only visited my grandfathers grave once (on the 1 year anniversary).  I just don't know what to do when I go there, I mean I could sit and talk to him, but frankly I do that anyways because I know he's watching and listening to everything I do.

Five years later, five years without my grandfather, so many things have happened, he's missed so much.  I hate doing it but I've actually asked myself if I would've moved to Atlanta a few years ago if he was still alive, would I be in Bristol, CT right now if he was still alive?  I don't have an answer, honestly I think at least one decision would've been different.

I celebrate my grandfather, I have reminders in my house of him that I look at every day... I may even talk to him sometimes as if he is sitting next to me.

Last week I celebrated his life on his birthday, today I mourn his death... I wish March 31st could be erased from the calendar.

Grandpa, 3/24/26-3/31/06
May he rest in peace...

Happy Birthday Grandpa

Grandpa
Norbert Bender
3/24/1926-3/31/2006

I can't believe it's been five years, five years since one of my best friends passed away. 

Five years ago we threw a surprise birthday party for his 80th birthday, it was a sunny day and I remember getting to the "party room" in his building at Leisure World.  We set up the tables, laid out all of the food (way too much food!), and the place was packed with family and friends.  I remember opening the door of the room as he came in, the look on his face, the smile, the joy, the happiness... he hated when people did things like this for him but we all loved it.

I remember spending most of the time "out of the way" with Brian and Micah, we kinda just hung out at his expense. 

Then I remember leaving early, I was going to meet a girl and watch college basketball.  I remember him blowing out the candles on the cake and I decided that would be a good time to go.  I remember coming over, shaking his hand, saying I'd see him later and then I left.

If I had known that would be the last time I ever saw him, the last time I ever shook his hand, the last time I said goodbye... I never would've left.  I am not sure how I forgive myself for not cherishing that moment, but there was no way to know that I wouldn't have another chance to ever talk to him.  I can't seem to get past it though, I can't seem to not kick myself endlessly because hanging out with my grandfather was something I did for 25+ years.  It was something that was a constant in my life, every week we'd go see Grandpa.  Even when he was sick and in the hospital I was there almost every day.  I wish I had never left, I wish I was still sitting there laughing at his jokes.

As a boy growing up there is one person who teaches you the finer things in life, one person who teaches you the other stuff that your parents aren't supposed to... that's what Grandpa's are for.

Just a few examples;
I learned that ketchup does not go on a hot dog
I learned that mayo shouldn't go on a cold cut sandwich (but i still do it!!!)
I learned that there is nothing "great" about "Great Seneca Highway"
I learned that polar bears are amazing animals
I learned how to build model cars
I learned how to fight, not with my fists, but with my heart and my soul
I learned that even a brain tumor can't take away one's sense of humor
I learned that the Redskins suck (he'd call the house after every Redskins loss to tell us how much they suck.  never a call after a win though)

And the memories... so many I can't even begin to tell, but there's one thing I will cherish forever.  Growing up playing soccer my grandfather was at almost every game, but he was not on the sidelines, he was not yelling or screaming.  My grandfather couldn't walk far so he'd watch from his car, or he'd stand far from the field but close enough to his car if he needed to sit down.  He'd be smoking his pipe filled with tobacco and he'd just watch.  Sometimes I didn't know until the game was over that he was there... and he never left early.
It's so hard to think about losing someone this close, and everyone handles it differently, but in the end it means someone has made an impact on us.  My grandfather was probably to wisest person I've ever met, having him as my grandfather is something that I am thankful for every day.  And now I live my life trying to live up to the expectations, hopes and dreams that he had for me.  I am sure I've done a solid job so far. 

If I sit here and close my eyes I see him wearing his grey sweater smoking his pipe probably telling a joke or two.  His sense of humor was second to none, no matter what life threw at him he always knew how to have a good laugh. 

If you can't tell, I love(d) my grandpa!

Happy Birthday!!!!